A magic moment I remember…

A magic moment I remember:
I raised my eyes and you were there.
A fleeting vision, the quintessence
Of all that's beautiful and rare.

I pray to mute despair and anguish
To vain pursuits the world esteems,
Long did I near your soothing accents,
Long did your features haunt my dreams.

Time passed- A rebel storm-blast scattered
The reveries that once were mine
And I forgot your soothing accents,
Your features gracefully divine.

In dark days of enforced retirement
I gazed upon grey skies above
With no ideals to inspire me,
No one to cry for, live for, love.

Then came a moment of renaissance,
I looked up- you again are there,
A fleeting vision, the quintessence
Of all that`s beautiful and rare.

Wanderlust

Wander         wander

wandering,

meandering, 

the urge to roam,

to dance,

to fly,

to just be,

the search for being free,

the need to see,

to go,

to find,

to search,

to do,

my thirst …….

so easily quenched……..

so close to home……….

and yours….to grand….,

so elegant,

so marvellous,

climbing mountaintops,

and far off stars….

and trip to mars….

and all of it,

so wild,

so vast,

so free,

as you go wander…

wandering……….

and then the best part of all,

when satisfied,

complete,

and even if not

then also…. 

you wander 

slowly

home to me…. 

The road less travelled…

>>>>Things in themeselves do not really matter as our reaction to them.Our own mind is our worst enemy…but when properly handle,it can be our best friend and helper…

>>>>Did worry ever help slove any problem?It is born of confused thinking.Even the devil himself can do nothing to a man so long as he can laugh…

>>>> In the world but not of it…

I speak the unspoken language,

I have died to live,

Though living among people,

I am,in truth not with them,

I appear to enjoy the things of the world,

yet my mind is not in it,

I am in the world but not on it…

>>>>How much pain they have cost us,

the evils which have never happened.

>>>>My life has been full of terrible misfortunes,

most of which never happened.

>>>>There is no life,no life without its hunger.

each restless heart beats so imperfectly.

But when you come and I am filled with wonder,

Sometimes I think I glimpse eternity…

>>>>I am where my thoughts have brought me,

i will be tommorrow where my thoughts will take me…

>>>>What you make me know,

That alone I know,

What you make me see,

That alone I see…

You and me in neverland…

Today they spoke of you,

They always do,

And I know I will see you again,

We will share a few friendly words

No one will see my heart…

Surging with ectasy,

And spilling joy,

Like a drunken poet.

No one will know…

How close we’ve become

Without words or time….

I’m happy to cherish you from afar,

It’s closer…

Than when we are together,

Away from mean words,
and other people’s minds,

and jealous eyes.

You smile…

You don’t let on,

But I know you know,

It’s too good,you and me..

We’ve proven einstein’s law…

At the speed of light,

Time stands still…

An ode to the stars…

I'm glad the stars are over me,and not beneath my feet…

Where I should not trample on them,like cobbles on the street…

I think it is a happy thing…….that they are set so far….

It's best to have to look up high……when you would see a star…. 

Knock Knock:It’s the past for a flying visit

Damned be the past…

This is how it hits ya….

In the middle of a perfect normal afternoon,

just when you thought life coudn't have been better than this… (with respect to before)

>>>>>> Why is the memory card just limited to virtual world……….very much in need in the real life too…

>>>>>This is how it should be….only there when I feel like taking a walk down the memory lane.

>>>>And yes the word "regret" should not exist near or even in the far off ….vicinity

>>> If sadness,hatred were human,then in the court of life,would be sentenced to hang till death and at last justice would prevail…

>>The back door entry to any place espically the mind should be banned…

>So as I now seemingly drown in the pool of misery the only thing that comes to my mind is………….why?

The thing that is there is this that…how far is solidarity…..from solitude and solace?

The matrimony show…

Serious thoughts with hint of comic bathos:-

1.The background music easily could have been…..sarforashi ki tamana ab hamare dil mein hai…..

2.To begin with all my doings to sabotage the event were      futile even wore the most hated piece of clothing but even that worked to my disadvantage..

3.Successfully the second favorite place in my house was converted into an arena which I entered loaded with a tray full of eatables..

4.As I bared my set of 32 teeth,felt the eagle like scrutiny and maybe was even rated on a scale from 1 to 10 maybe more…whatever

5. Braced myself up for the war.Interrogation followed.

6.Even tried to disuade by making the coffee just non-drinkable by my standards but then by the looks of party concerned realized that it’s a tough world out there…even to irritate

6.Also,never before have I had the oppurtunity to stare damn hard at the carpet,centre table of the drawing room which now I have realized are one hell piece of handicraft.

7.So now as I patiently wait for the results never to come still will keep all posted…

life management

In twenty-two and a half years of my existence on the third rock from the sun I have realized one thing,(there are many others things but this one is in the spotlight today….) that my life till now and maybe the rest of it has been and will be respectively spent trying to achieve the SUPREME goal to be the “dutiful” everything……..for right now…….daughter,friend,sister and for later on……..(it just depresses me right anything regarding that…….so i’m gonna pass on that).Well,then I ask myself why is this a source of such botheration to me? Is it because I have to quelch what I want and just close my eyes and go with what has been decieded for me?

Looking in the other direction,what about my very own dutifulness for myself?I think all the people in this world are constantly comparing themselves to their “ideal-self”.Constantly pushing oneself to be attentive all the time,be quick wit at the very moment when you need it the most,analyzing every situation in the economical way so there is no wastage of resources anyhow,etc…..etc. So today I just got up and made this list of differences between me and the ideal-me.Well,I will not comment on the length of it but I would definetely like to say this it did bring about some un-easy-ness.Maybe that is why sometimes frustration creeps in silently wothout any notice.Well,looking at the brighter side,it gives inspiration and hope that someday these targets will be achieved……………so till then what do I tell myself?The world lives on hope but sometimes it tends to go on a vacation without notice……….what of those times when there is nothing to hold on to except will-power and the world somehow is conspiring to break every inch of you?And then also,though what you have decieded for yourself is what you want then how come the hesitation to take the path that leads to it?Is that lack of motivation or just care-less-ness?So,if that is the case……then before anyone can tell you that they think not so highly of you………you yourself have failed miserably in your own eyes.And then the concept of “I-Don’t-Care” jumps in.But don’t we care………yes and no….both.

So,as I fail in my own eyes bacause my attempts to write something meaningfull have blown away like a dry leaf on the ground to some unknown destination,I wonder ………..maybe I just need to keep moving ahead.

I’m just gonna leave it at that.

***** god

if there is an atheist society and if anyone from that society happens to read this then please please contact me………..i’ll be a happy contender for sure

before the exam…

i have now started to wonder what’s gonna ‘happen’ when i actually go and take the test………..

my exam is tommorow at 1 p.m and i have reached delhi 24 hours prior only to find out that the exam centre is five minute drive from where i’m staying……….and the whacky or simply foolish bandi that i am……..just forgot to ask(here is where i feel screaming,pulling my hair………but then do nothing……..i just got them straigtened……) well had i inquired i would have taken the morning statabadi,taken the exam,gone to a night club in the evening and then catch the train the next morning back home……….

and now i am comforting myself saying that everythng happens for the best………….and patiently looking forward to the best part of the day……..which somehow has been avoiding me since forever

but now my patience is running out ……….BIG time!

well,was hoping to kill this faltu time by shopping………..but looks like god is showing no mercy (lets hope he’s saving it for the exam!!)and i’m here sitting in front of “the fast becoming idiot-box-2″ trying to come up with something to cheer myself up………..

even tried doing some online practise tests………..and according to the test score i am someone who dosen’t have a good hold of the “angraezi” language………….suggesting to the extent that i can barely write and speak it!

so does that make me a “glibber”?

so as i pen down my frustation,going on and on about right-now-bugging-but-later-on-trival-topics,trying not to think of people i could have called if things would have been different,i have now started to wonder……………….what will happen tommorow?

ok now the more testing situation has arisen……………should i just pretend to study……..or should i go and make small,polite talk?

ok looks like i have no choice………..on to the small,polite talk

will write more……if i survive through this!!